HurriedPatience

Three years ago at this time I was making myself lay down in bed after scrubbing down with the "prescribed" soap for pre-op, knowing that in a few short hours I would be up doing it again.  Three years ago I was thinking that I had no idea what the next season in life was going to look like.  Three years ago I was over thinking all the things, and super thankful that God slowed my mind down enough to get a wink of rest before the next morning. You see, three years ago January 15th at the 12 AM I was making myself go to sleep because I had a scheduled c-section to meet a baby that I did not know the gender. I had a ball of every emotion hitting me because I had waiting since I was a child to be a mama ( yes as a 6 year old I knew that I was destined to be a mama-- there is a story of the time my babysitter had an emergency and my soon to be at that time stepmom had to stay at the house until parents could get there but she did not want to change diapers and I pushed her aside ...

I was not expecting to cry when I opened my Facebook memories this morning. I was expecting to post my yearly "ITS OCTOBER/MY BIRTH MONTH" post and was looking how I had put it in the past. Not this October 1st-  this time I started crying because my fun post about choosing which Texas chain I would get rid of only had one like, and it was from him.  I have been struggling to put into words how losing a family member that I didn't get much of an opportunity to know, is hurting. At his celebration of life, I heard beautiful stories from two of his classmates/ team mates/ best friends who had seen his beautiful spirit on a more normal basis.  This sentiment sadly lays with many of my direct family members for one reason or another: distance, remarriage, unspoken hurts, ect. I wish it did not, because as a almost 32 year old I am still struggling that I am not close to extended family. I LOVE FAMILY! If you are my friend, you know that I automatically adopt you into my FRAMI...

Today at lunch we were discussing sweet old ladies who enjoy going to casinos. These ladies will share about their wins, but never bring up how much money they have lost in the process. This is kind of like my addiction to contests- I have never kept track of how many I have entered, but love the thrill of the win. Reverse this, and this is where many of us live. We as humans sit at home and focus on the things we see on social media that we or our children are not doing. I know that at home I have been struggling with the fact that I stay at home and my house isn't put together. I see post after post of peoples seasonal switch outs and amazing recipe creations. I see the perfectly planned and executed birthday parties or family portraits. I struggled with these things before motherhood, but I think motherhood has magnified it. I have struggled with not having perfect newborn pics, or that we didn't get enough photos at the hospital. I have struggled with the fact that I di...