HurriedPatience

I have had an awful lot of un published blogs lately. These blogs come from deep routed feelings that have surfaced this year due to one thing or another. Maybe some day these blogs will be unearthed but for today, this blog needed to be written while it was still raw.  I have very vague memories of third or forth grade summer camp at Alto Frio, where I met Nana Pudding ( a christian puppet) and went pogging for the first time in a river. Summer after sixth grade,  I got in church vans and headed to Louisiana for the first time to attend Student Life Camp, then proceeded to go to Angelo State University and Glorieta New Mexico a few times. I spent time serving during spring breaks at Riverbend Retreat Center which lead to an internship over the summer. The week that "Curtis" and I first really got to know each other, we were at Glorieta for Centrifuge camp.  Camp is a special place for me. Camp is a happy place for me.  In 2018, I was able to experience camp through ...

In the 90's, television and books portrayed the family with 2.5 children and a house with a two car garage where dad worked outside of the home and mom had dinner ready in the evenings. The show would continue with grandma and grandpa popping in for a visit or a trip to their house.  My 90's family did not have this imagery- and that's okay. I grew up with divorced parents, and the parents I lived with full time both were from countries other than the US- meaning aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents all still lived in their respective native land. This meant that I did not necessarily have the same visitation schedule as families who all live in the same city, state, or country.  I know from pictures that the first time that my Nana ( my dads mom) Sheila, from England, came to visit was the spring after I was born. I have pictures of myself in a stroller with my Nana below the Tower of Americas. The next time I would get the opportunity to be with my grandmother was arou...

I feel like every post I make, I am finding more of my voice again. I never in my life felt like I would have a voice to share about some of the more body related posts that I have made, but here I am to share about another personal body part- lol! I realized I had not shared about my breast feeding journey and I feel like it is something that might help someone. So the journey starts on a very cold day in January 2018. As I have noted in previous blogs, I had a c-section which was not 100 percent my goal but 100 percent perfect in every way. I was told going into my c-section that it may take a little longer for my milk to fully come in but it was not going to be impossible. So when my little guy was able to join me in the room we would be in, we went to work. I was still very medicated and he made his wiggly way to the source. I knew not much was coming but he was happy at the end of each feeding attempt, but his blood sugar was low and the nurses wanted me to switch to formula and w...

Three years ago at this time I was making myself lay down in bed after scrubbing down with the "prescribed" soap for pre-op, knowing that in a few short hours I would be up doing it again.  Three years ago I was thinking that I had no idea what the next season in life was going to look like.  Three years ago I was over thinking all the things, and super thankful that God slowed my mind down enough to get a wink of rest before the next morning. You see, three years ago January 15th at the 12 AM I was making myself go to sleep because I had a scheduled c-section to meet a baby that I did not know the gender. I had a ball of every emotion hitting me because I had waiting since I was a child to be a mama ( yes as a 6 year old I knew that I was destined to be a mama-- there is a story of the time my babysitter had an emergency and my soon to be at that time stepmom had to stay at the house until parents could get there but she did not want to change diapers and I pushed her aside ...

Closing out a year is normally filled excitement and anticipation for all of the amazing things that are filling my calendar for that year but as you know- 2020. One major heart break that I had was the cancellation of my trip to Ghana, which really did not close down til about a month before take off. The nature of my choice of word was based on that trip- EXPLORE .  How we explored in 2020: Family walks on every square inch of the San Antonio River- Mission Reach trails.  Daily walks around our apartment complex Potty training-- enough said The ways to stream church services  How to do "camp at church" Sea World and Zoo season passes  Career as a virtual admin and project manager Over all-- not the distant explorations that I was expecting to take, but still explored "home".  Thinking about how I want to frame the next year, really had me perplexed on a word choice. I have not lost hope, I live each day through my almost three year olds eyes. 2020 was not a br...

I was not expecting to cry when I opened my Facebook memories this morning. I was expecting to post my yearly "ITS OCTOBER/MY BIRTH MONTH" post and was looking how I had put it in the past. Not this October 1st-  this time I started crying because my fun post about choosing which Texas chain I would get rid of only had one like, and it was from him.  I have been struggling to put into words how losing a family member that I didn't get much of an opportunity to know, is hurting. At his celebration of life, I heard beautiful stories from two of his classmates/ team mates/ best friends who had seen his beautiful spirit on a more normal basis.  This sentiment sadly lays with many of my direct family members for one reason or another: distance, remarriage, unspoken hurts, ect. I wish it did not, because as a almost 32 year old I am still struggling that I am not close to extended family. I LOVE FAMILY! If you are my friend, you know that I automatically adopt you into my FRAMI...