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LIFE: Camp

I have had an awful lot of un published blogs lately. These blogs come from deep routed feelings that have surfaced this year due to one thing or another. Maybe some day these blogs will be unearthed but for today, this blog needed to be written while it was still raw. 

I have very vague memories of third or forth grade summer camp at Alto Frio, where I met Nana Pudding ( a christian puppet) and went pogging for the first time in a river. Summer after sixth grade,  I got in church vans and headed to Louisiana for the first time to attend Student Life Camp, then proceeded to go to Angelo State University and Glorieta New Mexico a few times. I spent time serving during spring breaks at Riverbend Retreat Center which lead to an internship over the summer. The week that "Curtis" and I first really got to know each other, we were at Glorieta for Centrifuge camp. 

Camp is a special place for me.

Camp is a happy place for me. 

In 2018, I was able to experience camp through new eyes when we took our 6 month old with us to Student Life and in 2019 we took him to Latham Springs. In 2020 we hosted our very own camp and our little guy was able to tag along for the whole week of "camp at church". 

I knew that I wanted to be a part of happiness that I felt at camp. I felt called to be a part of the experience that others had a camp in some shape and form. We decided when we were dating that ministry was a family affair and that we did it all as a family, no matter how big or small our family size was at the time. There has not been a summer since 1998 that I have not attended summer camp, until this week. 

I have struggled in the feels this week. It was the first camp my husband has attended without me since we started dating, it was the first camp week in 20 plus years I did not attend, I was not able to introduce my little girl to her first camp experience like brother had experienced, and I did not get to be present for our students. 

I felt lost this week.  I felt lonely this week. 

I tried to make happy spaces for my kids to see their joy and make a happy place. We drove across town to experience a playground that we very rarely get to experience, we kidnapped another kid to have a friend with us, we bought Shipleys Donuts midday, baked a cake for daddys return. 

My son laughed and ate all of his favorite foods.

My daughter gave lots of snuggles. 

Seasons are a common theme in my writing, and this for sure fits the category. This is my mama season. This is my camp for the kids season. This is my camp work from home season. Much like a general week at camp. I am tired and there have been a lot of things to think about. 

I forced myself to remember that I can mourn and love a season at the same time. I saw His light through my children's joy at different points in the week. I was asked questions that were thought provoking and all around silly just like I would have at student camp. I prayed for the leaders, speakers, and students even though I winced because I was sad I didnt get to experience it too. 

Psalm 30, verse 5 ends with "joy comes in the {mourning}".  The spelling may be different but it is speaking about hurt and processing and that is for sure what has happened this week. I am a few short hours from getting to hug my husbands neck and continue to work through my new season in home and ministry as we enter our 17th year of ministry together. 

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