Loving her for the In-betweens

{SOAP BOX}  There are seasons in life: childhood, high school graduation, college graduation, wedding, and having kids.  These are milestones/goals that show I guess what can be viewed as success points.

When and why have we set a cultural expectation that they must all flow smoothly, in order and back to back? Can people just enjoy the stages of life they are in any more? Is this something that has always been prevalent and I am only seeing it because of the season I am in?

*** my not perfect timeline***

Sept 2006: I was a high school senior with 13 clubs and organizations on my mind- finishing high school strong; and also the month that I started dating my husband.

May 2007: Graduated High School with honors and started my full time job the next morning at 8:00 am.

Aug 2007: started community college { becoming a more normal/accepted thing due to cost of college}

July 2008: GOT ENGAGED :) {I was 19 years of age- some thought I was NUTS- so we planned to get married in 2012 which people thought was EVEN crazier and planned to get married the next summer}

Sept 2008: Transferred to a university

Jan 2009: Planned entire wedding in 6 days :) another day, much longer blog

June 2009: Moved into my in-laws garage apt and transferred to online universities

Sept 2012: FINALLY graduated college


*** the questions***
2006- 2007: where are you going to school? what are you studying?  {celebrated}

Late 2008: whens the big day? are you nervous? {celebrated}

2009: are you pregnant? { judged for timing}

Late 2009 to Today: when will you start a family? are you not going to have kids? you wont understand, you don't have kids.

2010-2014: are you going to teach preschool forever? do you need to finish your degree? are you ever going to move out of your in-laws house?


***Conclusion***
The only positive, enjoy where you are at conversation I heard was from my sister in law who said it would be smart to wait a few years to have kids to enjoy each other as a married couple. Once you meet one of the items on the timeline they are pushing for the next marker.

So why do I write about this: because I want you to think about your recent conversations. For a newly engaged couple that you see often- how much do you focus on the wedding and them being nervous and not about how they are doing in their present day or even in planning beyond the big day. For someone graduating any schooling do you focus on whats beyond this level or ask them if there is something you can do for them as they are getting through this class.  Spend more time focused on the person and not the mile markers because it makes them focus more on the mile marker then the present and we all know that today is a present and the only thing we have guaranteed.

I write this because I get question after question about having kids and feel inadequate because I have not hit that milestone yet. I write this because a friend of mine at only ever gets asked about his wedding any more and not about the brand new job he just got or the funding journey he has started. I write this because I want to warn others about the generalized questions we get in the routine of asking and not truly listening to the answers.

besides- how many times do you like telling the same story about the milestone you haven't met?

<3 {off my box}

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